In a few weeks, offices and family rooms around the country will be host to a white elephant gift exchange, where one partier’s junk is another partier’s…junk (okay, sometimes the gifts are worthy of elbow-throwing). The purpose of white elephant gifts are really to entertain and aren’t supposed to be expensive, if they cost anything at all. So here’s your guide to the best white elephant gifts.
The Thing You Never Used
You know that shirt that still has the tags? The kitchen gadget still in its box? New items that you aren’t benefiting from make the perfect white elephant gift, because it’ll cost you nothing and you can absolve some of your guilt. You might even be the most popular person at the party for bringing something that isn’t old and/or broken.
The Weirdest Thing at the Thrift Store
For a laugh and a cheap gift, head to your nearest thrift store and buy the weirdest thing you can find – that suede light-up Jesus statue (seriously, they exist), the unidentifiable animal figurine, the coffee cup with a sex joke. You’ll not only save money, but save the planet by re-using junk that is otherwise headed for the landfill.
The Cutest Thing in the Target Dollar Aisle
If there aren’t any thrift stores around, surely there’s a Target! Head over and grab the cutest thing – or three – from the dollar aisle. Just don’t make the mistake of buying the $5 item they sneak in between, bastards.
The Thing Every Kid Wants For Christmas
If your gift exchange will be attended by parents with school-aged kids, there’s nothing more entertaining than watching them brawl over the hot toy of the year that is already sold out in stores. Sure, this gift requires planning ahead and probably isn’t cheap, but it sure will be worth it when that asshole Brad, who always mows his lawn too early, gets decked by Jenny, the tiny dance coach who has had too much chardonnay.
The Unopened Thing in Your Pantry
You could just be the loser who brings a can of beans, because you totally forgot about the white elephant gift exchange, or your could be the funny guy who brings the can of tasty Spaghetti-Os relabeled as fish assholes. Worst case scenario: no wants to find out what the fish assholes are and you get to keep the tasty Os.
The Thing You “Won” Last Year
While it’s kind of a cop out, a white elephant gift exchange is the one place that it is totally acceptable to regift even with the gifter there. Sometimes a gift return enough times that it even becomes a running joke. For an added twist, the person who ends up with the gift gets to host next year!